My particular pet peeve is whining. What bugs me about it is the underlying attitude of most whining - it is unthankful, it is rebellious, it selfish, and it is petty. Yes, of course a child who is sick or overtired is whining because they don't have the maturity to nobly cope with hardship! I am talking about all other types of whining in this case.
One observation I've made about whining is that it does not improve with age if it is not disciplined away. I have seen school-aged children whine about what's on their dinner plate, junior highers whine about "needing" a cell phone, high schoolers whining about their "unfair teachers"....I'm sure even some adults still whine! So I don't think it behooves a parent to ignore or distract their toddler/preschooler when they are whining - I don't think it's something a human outgrows. I think parents need to deal with it straight on.
Little tidbit from the Acone home: we used the Fussing Corner as a place that was okay for the kid to whine and tantrum in....the point was that it was out of sight from ME (thus keeping my blood pressure low plus not reinforcing them in this state). It was located in the hallway by the front door - out in plain sight (therefore safe) and easy to get to for little legs. Away from toys. Away from fun. Away from sympathetic grandparent glances. :)
When the child began to whine or tantrum in any way, I would give the neutralized tone of voice "how about you go to the fussing corner until you are done, and then you can come out and we'll talk about it" (or "play" or "finish dinner"). After awhile, the child began to turn their attitude around as they simply walked toward the corner - they were able to stop the tear flow, or adjust the tone of voice....they knew that spending time in the corner with their bad attitude wasn't really going to get them the payoff they desired (attention, the toy they were fighting over, certainly it wasn't going to get them their way!). Basically, spending time in the corner was considered a waste of energy and my kids were smart enough to learn how to cope with negative feelings before it got the better of them.
After they were done fussing and had come out of the corner, of course there was always my positive and warm greeting, and there was something GOOD to participate in. This doesn't mean they were rewarded for coming out with a good attitude - that would be classified as bribery - but I do believe that being a good citizen (getting along, being cheerful, sharing with others) has rewards of its own....people are happy to see you, you can be a part of group activities, you can eat a good meal, play with your toys, and enjoy the harmony of friendly relationships. Being in the corner with tears and a mad heart is a bummer. Being stuck in the corner with a drag IS a drag!
I think I can attribute my daughters' pleasant teenaged attitudes to the use of the Fussing Corner. The principle of "adjust the negative attitude" is fairly engrained by now, and we've avoided the "typical" emotional rollercoaster that preteen and teen girls have earned a reputation for riding. No, they aren't emotionally stunted...but they do laugh an enormous amount more than they ever cry, and they are cheery and agreeable and long-suffering...even when sick or during long travels or doing hard labor or being inconvenienced. I think the basic premise of whining not paying off has virtually eliminated that from their character.
God has been so good to me to help me deal with the issue of whining, since it has always been my pet peeve. By eliminating that monster from our home, we have been left with an atmosphere of peace which is where Jon and I function best. Probably all of us do! I hope if you are having issues with whining or fussing that you will try a Fussing Corner for a month and enjoy the results. My bet is that you'll keep it once you give it a trial run.
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