Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Surprises at the Crossroads

This month has been all about waiting.

You might've read earlier that we had some crossroads we were approaching - colleges, schools for Ben, a job for me, a possible relocation to London.....gosh, even what to have for dinner has been occasionally a mystery!

We are still in the dark about college, but the Lord (and the church) did open up a part time job for me. I am not sure what's for dinner tonight, and we're still negotiating the specs about London (hopefully we'll know by tomorrow). In the meanwhile, we research schools for Ben both stateside and in the UK.

But what I've realized is this - I am where God wants me to be. It's okay to wait. It's okay to be excited but it's not okay to be anxious. As long as the day is "today," I am where He wants me to be, no matter where I am tomorrow or the next day. Yes, humanly speaking I wish He'd hurry up the "unveiling" process of my life because months of "what ifs" are beginning to take a toll on me, but I think He's okay with that. I think if I were able to be indefinitely distracted with holiday preparations, or merely trusting in the accuracy of my next grocery list (trust me, you actually shop differently when you think you might move! Costco sized spices are no longer desirable), my trust (anti-anxiety, anti-control) would not be stretched as far.

I am where He wants me to be if I am doing His Will. Geography does not matter. Public or private school does not matter. Rather, what matters is the heart - am I content? Am I at peace because of my trust in Him? Am I loving those around me, and looking for new people to love on? Do I share my stuff, my faith, my time, my money as a good steward? Do I seek His voice and opinion on the matters of my day, my heart and my choices? Do I give Him the glory at all times - whether in times of success or failure, plenty or in want? Am I kind and supportive to my husband and children and bosses? Do I live out of selfishness, or selflessness?

These are the questions whose answers determine if I am where God wants me to be. So today, no matter if we discover the spot we pitch our tent is in the UK or US, or UW or WSU, I will rest in knowing that for me to be in God's will, it doesn't really matter which country or college wins out.

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed,
we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.
Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling...
2 Cor. 5:1-2