Reaction to John Edwards

Last week the news of John Edwards' infidelity broke in the mainstream media.

Audible gasps emanated from American women, and even a few male eyebrows raised. To think of a man cheating on a wife with incurable cancer! The disdain was palpable in the press, at the water cooler, and at the family dinner table.

It did get me thinking about the degree to which we can tolerate infidelity. John Edwards' perhaps couldn't have easily gotten away with this even ten years ago - at that point, he and his wife had suffered through the death of their oldest son, Wade, and were planning Part Two of their family with the births of Emma and Jack. But rewind back perhaps 2o years when he was "just" married with 2 children - had he been unfaithful then, would our collective response be different?

Thirty years with a spouse....4 children...a bleak outlook regarding her cancer...yes, the disdain for his unfaithfulness is warranted. But I would like to purpose that our reaction to infidelity should be the same if he were "just" married, even without children or cancer in the picture. Bearing children or cancer cells does not make you any more valuable as a human being - Elizabeth should elicit the same honor and respect from her husband no matter her medical condition. And we as a culture should treat each marital affair - whether in the news or in our neighborhood - with the same amount of shock and awe as we did last week when Edwards was exposed.

Another thought that has been percolating in regards to this story: what I call "The Canonization of Cancer." We see it here with the Edwards. Again, if we rewound the tape 20 years ago and he had cheated on her precancer, would we have been as disturbed by this story? (It's somewhat unfortunate to use Elizabeth as our example here because I truly do admire her in so many ways!) Let's imagine she is an amazing and yet flawed woman (like so many of us are!). Let's even go as far to say she is 75% amazing and 25% flawed, just for the purpose of this exercise. So - with a cancer diagnosis, does her 25% flaw either disappear or become instantly forgiven and erased from memory?

My point here is that I also think our culture canonizes, or creates saints, out of cancer victims. While I believe the hardship of cancer certainly hones and refines and develops character, I find it interesting to consider that America considers it is a "free pass" of sorts. No longer are you accountable for past actions and behavior - instead you are seen through lenses of compassion and grace. No longer will we tolerate your spouse cheating on you. Almost overnight you are raised to a new level of human value. At this level you deserve fidelity, honesty, forgiveness, kindness and respect.

My point here is that we should challenge ourselves to consider all humans with such value. Would we treat our spouse differently if we had a medical report in our hand? If the biopsy comes back negative, do we not forgive as readily? If the biopsy is positive, do we then end our philandering? Or at the least do we curtail our selfishness? For our friends - do we communicate more gracefully, love more generously, only when they are diagnosed?

How much would a cancer diagnosis change our ministry, relationships...our personality and perspective?

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
~Psalm 90:12