Tiptoe at the Crossroads

Today might be the last day possible to write such a blog.

Because my blog theme is "a lot can happen in a year," I must take a few minutes to describe the crossroads at which we are standing tiptoe - trying not to squint too hard at the future, but curious about the path ahead, nonetheless.

Today we might get a college acceptance letter...it's in the air, as some of our friends have received them by now. Abby near or far, Purple or Crimson....

Next week, Jon has an interview for a Microsoft project in London/Paris, that could redefine our next 2 years of family life and what we've mapped out for Katie's senior year...

Next month, a possible job opening for me at the church. Part time, but still with a part time impact on the family. It actually would be cool to see God's hand in this - the job has been on a low simmer since October of 2007! I'm excited to see His purpose and plan for it coming into reality.

Next year, a schooling change for Ben. At this point we see no clear direction - that could be because God has that overseas opportunity instead - but we are evaluating all the options. Public high school, private high school, a hybrid of classes combined with Legacy....we are blessed to have choices! But we want to be wise and mindful of whatever God's best for Ben is....so we pray for guidance.

So, from today to next week to next month to next year - changes and choices abound. We are at peace regarding them all, knowing the Lord has gone before us and true to form, will be gracious to us...providing for all of our needs, and designing a future that is good and will glorify Him. It is exciting to be at this crossroads and to imagine the possibilities!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

Simply Pathetic!

I am a wimp!

Today was a practice day for me to be here and for Abby to be there. Did not like it one bit.

I was supposed to be the parent taking her to WSU for Cougar Day - campus tour, chat with the Communications Dept, BBQ and football game....but instead I had to be home to teach Home Fellowship Group tonight. So, off went Abby and Jon at 4:30 am, and I've been anxiously awaiting a phone call or text ALL DAY LONG!

AND NOTHING!

They have either forgotten their phones (not likely for a teen) or their chargers or Pullman is some podunk town with no T-Mobile coverage. Sometime during their trip home their phone will get into a live area and my texts and messages will grab their attention hopefully.

A friend told me to get used to this. AAAAGHHH - this is very very very difficult to imagine! But there is Abby having all these new impressions and experiences, ones that I feel are more important than the average-time-away-from-home ones, since we're still in such deliberation over where she should go to college....anyhow, if I were there with her I'd be able to debrief and infer and deduce and intuitate....and I can't. Grrr. This is what it looks like to not be in control, nor in touch, nor "simpatico" with the first born.

Next year she'll be somewhere, and I will be here. I won't know her friends. I won't get to debrief after parties or classes. I won't be able to read her face or see her eyes sparkle or shine with tears. I won't be able to see her little toes every day. No goodnight or goodmorning kisses.

I think I already have a chunk of my heart in Pullman and she doesn't even go there yet. I'm home and I'm homesick.

Psalm 139:8-10

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Pullman or PLNU?

This is the time of year we plan for next year.

Next September all of our questions will have answers with them - well, at least regarding colleges. This month Abby studies for the SATs, visits campuses, and strives for excellence at BCC. She works on her deadlines and essays and we ask questions of "those who have gone before" in hopes of narrowing her career focus. We pray and we pray about things like housing, environment, readiness and worldviews.

At this juncture it appears her colleges have been whittled down to two choices - WSU and PLNU. Both with outstanding broadcast journalism/communications departments, but one dressed in frugality and beer, and one in cost and Christianity. (I know full well that reputations aren't always 100% correct, these are just broad generalizations)

So, we are at a crossroads of decision. It is an exciting place to be!

If I were to choose today, I might go with WSU because of it's relative proximity. (5 hours by car versus 3 hours by plane....or 24 hours by car! yikes) I look at Abby and think of her being so SO far away in Southern California and it just about breaks my heart. I know our visits would be confined to major holidays only - aaaaghhh that seems pretty unthinkable from where I'm sitting now!

I'm wondering if other moms feel like I do. Had I sent her away to school all these years, would I be more comfortable with her absence? Had she been a difficult teenager, would that absence be welcomed? Will this senior year be such a time of maturing that by next September we'll both be ready for the separation? Did my parents ever feel this way? (I think not!)

Anyhow, I do not regret our homeschooling. If I were hit by a truck today, I would have been thankful for our extra hours together, and I would've been grateful for the bond we share - I would have confidence that she would have both quantity and quality of memories after I was gone. In fact, our homechooling has given me a scooch more confidence that she is rooted and grounded in the most important things, and wherever she ends up she'll be just fine! It's actually just me that might not be.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

(Psalm 139: 7-10)

Graduation Countdown

365 days and counting until Abby graduates from high school.

We went to Legacy's graduation ceremony over the weekend. What struck me as we watched the baby-pictures-morphing-into-young-adult-pictures, and as we listened to the parents' exhortations and the graduates appreciation...was that next year that will be US. It will be slides of Baby Abby on screen - shots of her sweet childhood, sibling times, lisp-singing...and then the metamorphosis to this graceful, musical and radiant teen....

It will be Jon and I who have to nutshell her into 150 words. And then somehow manage to articulate through tears. And then stand there as she delivers 100 words back to us....

And then she'll leave us.

I think homeschooling might mean even more to me this time next year than it ever did. I'm wondering if there really is a saturation point in parenting - do you ever get tired of them? Is there ever a moment when you say - "OK! DONE! They know all they possibly could know and so WHOOSH! off they go." I think this time next year I will be glad to say - "I chose to use each moment to be with them - watch them grow - read with them - share adventures and laughter with them....not waste the days with them gone....because too soon they leave, regardless."