When the Banks Closed, We Opened Our Hearts

Depression settles over America.

No, not simply an economic depression, but an emotional one too. America is being stripped down to reveal what is at its core....stripped by daily news of stocks diving and job losses. Bleak forecasters have colored this holiday season in shades of gray for consumers, and red for retailers. The emotional toll is being taken because there seems to be no relief in sight - no bailout is fixing the trouble, no solution seems to be arising. Regrets are abounding over impulse purchases, maxed out mortgages, credit card risk, and foolishness of every type. Panic is now setting in as friends are losing jobs on a daily basis. Crisis meetings are taking place in offices, churches, and at the family dinner table.

In the spirit of it all, I went to the library a few weeks ago and checked out a bunch of books on the Great Depression. "When the Banks Closed, We Opened Our Hearts" was one, "A Nickel's Worth of Skim Milk" another. I wanted to gain a perspective on how a generation went through a similar season. What lessons did they learn that we can glean from? What wisdom do they have now about economics, hardship and perseverance?

I learned about hobos - knocking on doors and being fed along their way....along their way where? To the train tracks where they could ride the rails to....where? Supposed land of opportunity? Or just ride the rails because it provided a dry roof over their heads?

I read about soup kitchens and the long lines of humble, hungry families.

I read about brave housewives who fed hobos (brave!) and who converted their homes to boardinghouses...or who simply sucked it up and let their in-laws come live with them. No, not just their parents in-law but also their uncles, aunts and cousins. Not simply "every bed filled" but also filled to overflowing. These same housewives grew gardens and created simple meals off the proverbial shoestring.

I read about kids who put cardboard in their shoes to cover the holes. Who didn't finish their education so they could work and contribute to the family budget.

I read about dads who jumped out windows because they felt overwhelmed by the stock market crash, and that their self-worth only amounted to their net worth.

As I reflect on these readings - before I return them to the library - I think about where America is now, and that core to which it is being stripped. I hope the core is not one of miscalculated self worth. Nor that money is the root of our joy and our security. I think, though, if we find ourselves left with a core like that, it's the perfect time for God to step in and readjust our focus. We're probably easier to work with when we aren't shackled by greed and fear!

As we approach Thanksgiving, it's my personal prayer that when I am stripped of everything else, there is a core that is built on solid faith in the Lord. Layers wrap around that core - I choose hope and humor and generosity and prudence and perseverance! I will choose to limit Depression to one of economics, not emotion.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Psalm 20:7

Long Time No Post

Were you raised with the maxim, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?"

I think the quote is attributed to Peter Rabbit's mother. Or, my Granny Kay. Either way, the phrase has been an unspoken approach to communication in my life....thus, my silence on my blog over the last few weeks. It was nice to be missed, though! I'll see if I can pick up where I left off.

Over the course of the last month we've had 2 fender benders (my fault), my new van "smashed and grabbed," one mento up and quit on me, and our garage door break (the fixed van is now stuck in the garage until this weekend when Jon fixes the door!). It's been upwards of $1K in unforeseen expenses just in the past couple of weeks, and loads of hassles with mechanics and crippled vans. Of course, the election didn't lift our spirits to compensate! Add in the economy and job insecurity...the list could go on and on.

The net-net (dad phrase there, I think it means "bottom line") is that with each passing day there were stresses that did not lend itself to my writing muse, let's just say that much. :) (see how good I am with my Granny Kay's maxim?)

God has been teaching me quite a bit though. Here are my lessons from Oct/Nov:

• People are more important than things. What caused me tears and unslept nights was the break in the mentor relationship, not the hemorrhaging of cash nor the transportation hassles. The fender bender's grip of terror on me was knowing there were elderly people in the other car, not the scratch of paint or the boatload of cash it took to aright their dent.

• Ministry is a risk, but a necessary one. When God asks you to do something, the important thing on your end is to be obedient. Investing in people - being vulnerable and open and giving and committed does not entitle you to the same from them. It is like any relationship - you might do your best, but that does not guarantee you will receive that in kind. Your heart may be broken. Humans fail each other.
  

• God heals broken hearts. I think instead of super glue, though, God chooses to stitch together broken hearts. With each little piercing of His needle, and each tug of the thread, there is a little pain and anguish. Each poke and tug is His Spirit working in you and showing you things....like, where you went wrong.....like, what His Word says about the situation......and, both the times you were selfish and when you were acting in righteousness. It's as if this healing pain had a purpose - that He does not permit the broken heart to heal without allowing it to make a difference in your life. He uses the balm of His Spirit, but the stitching hurts....when the pain abates, the healing is complete.

• I married the right man. I wonder if this is how it is with my relationship with God too? Is it this way for you - that when things are going so swimmingly, you sorta get independent and think you are handling everything so perfectly on your own? And then in times of despair or sadness you get a dose of God's comfort and you say to Him - "Lord! I love you! I am so grateful for you in my life!!!" Your worship is then more poignant, your devotion more complete? Well, over the past month I've brought my brokenness to God and Jon, and was sweetly touched by Jon's forgiveness, mercy, and tenderness toward me. Imagine two fender benders in less than 24 hours? Imagine! One was cause enough for him to worry....but two? I thought I was going to need to whip out the defibrillator ....but instead all I needed was a big ole box of kleenex for me when he chose to hold and comfort me instead of lecture or scold. Tears still pop up when I recall his grace. Anyhow, it all served to further devote my heart to this man, not because of duty or position, but because of love. Through all the trials of this past month, I think this result of rekindling has been worth it all.
  

So, thus ends my lesson listing. If I were a superstitious woman, I would say "gosh I hope our season of trials can end now because look at how well I've learned the lessons God planned for me!" It does seem like trials come in waves! I am incredibly ready to move on now - I would love to get back into my blessing groove! But I also consider it joy to carry with me my stitched and healing heart, my reignited love for my husband, and my realignment of priorities.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
(James 1:2-4)

Showers Early, Rain Later

Today's forecast was "showers early, rain later."

My response? HOORAY! Double backflips and high five's all around - this is great news! (albeit redundant and/or confusing...reminds me of how Eskimos supposedly have a jillion words to describe "snow".....Seattle forecasters have a jillion different ways to describe rain!)

Anyhow, my jubilance is a result of a deep character flaw of mine. I would rather sacrifice a day (or two) of rain and chill in the summer so that I don't have to water my plants any more.

By August I am so tired to death of my plants and am ready for them all to just die and be covered with moss again. Here in the Pacific Northwest, most people don't have watering systems (because the Good Lord takes care of that naturally, practically DAILY)....but when the sky is cloudless, one must troop out to the garden with a hose and tenderly saturate the flowers/grass/shrubs/baby trees by hand. QUITE time consuming, and quite annoying on a daily basis. I generally assign the job to my children, but every third day or so it's up to me to go out and do it properly - deeply to the roots, not just getting the leaves wet and calling it good.

As an aside, I am not the cruelest gardener in the NW. A friend of mine deliberately waters her plants lightly so that they keep a shallow root system! Thus, they barely survive on mere drops - thus, her workload is lighter. Cruelty!

In May I am the most enthusiastic of gardeners - excited to get my new plants, hanging baskets and thrilled to see perreniels coming back and setting blooms. In June my garden looks clean and fairly tidy - roses begin to bloom and everything is fresh and colorful. By the end of July, though, I'm starting to assign garden work to my kids - my back is hurting - and weeds are emerging, rose leaves are blackspotting, petunias need deadheading. (thankfully my mom was here in late July - she is a star gardener and is tireless and creative in my yard) Now it is August, and I'm ready for being the lazy gardener again....no more backyard dinners, no more guests to sit on the patio and stare at my blackspot.....ready to just reign everyone in and keep just the house clean and presentable.

So my deep character flaw that this represents is my lack of completion focus. Since childhood, I've been a great project starter but a poor finisher. This is one reason I only had 3 kids, and had them in 3.5 years - I knew I could be really really great at starting a family (seemed to have all the equipment working right, and really adored those early years too!), but I wanted to make sure I didnt' string things out too much and risk doing a really poor job with the last child. I didn't want to be too burned out to read bedtime stories, or to not give adequate time. This character flaw was my parents' main concern (and then sorta mine, too) about homeschooling - would it be a project that got off to an enthusiastic start, but then peter out and my children would be couch surfers and fulltime droolers? (the answer to this burning question is yes: I have relaxed an awful lot in my homeschooling efforts, but fortunately I sowed enough good seeeds at the beginning - the kids are all self-motivated and responsible, and fortunately have their daddy's good mental genes!)

The rain in its due season (you know God planned today's rain showers as a sign of mercy to me and my garden) is characteristic of Him and His grace toward me. Just when you think I am wearing down in life, and have come to the end of my motivation and efforts, He is ready to step in and recharge me - redirect - and cover my flaws with His perfect power. I think He does this so HE gets the glory and not myself. For example, for anyone who meets my children and enjoys them, or admires their accomplishments....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that those things are there because of God....not me. I was used in the process, but as a faulty tool. Yes, homeschooling is an amazing lifestyle, and the best choice for our family, but for me to collect credit would be unthinkable. God's rain of mercy and grace upon our children came in due season - showers early (light and spotty rain, for you non NWesterners) when I still had motivation and enthusiasm....and rain late (heavy, constant) when I was at the end of myself.

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it.
Isaiah 45:8