Being Myself While Learning Who I Am

Last month I got to pop over to Pullman to check in with Abigail in person….she’s a great texter, a decent phoner, but only an emerging emailer or Facebooker. Being great at texting is a tremendous blessing – it transmits “real time” on my phone and catches me wherever I am – so I’m super thankful for it. But – my phone is from the dinosaur age and so her whole life gets summarized in three succinct sentences or else it overloads the phone memory and gives me the heartbreaking \\missing text\\ announcement halfway through a really newsy or poignant epistle from Miss Communication.

Thus the trip to WSU. Time to look her in the eyes and watch her talk, unedited. More than three sentences worth.

Amidst all the stories pouring out of her – covering her daily routine, her varied career aspirations, new friendships, two jobs, homework, rec time, college residence life, fashion needs….oh let’s see what else….awkward guy stories, fabulous guy stories…..news, weather and sports…..well, a significant summary line stood out to me. “Mom, it’s challenging to BE MYSELF while discovering who I am.”

Part of me immediately synched with that. Of course, young adults at college are continuing to grow and mature – their worlds just grew fairly large, their education is (hopefully) expanding their minds in new ways….of course they would be stretched. Relationally, Abby just added about 49 more people into her world – people she lives with, not just high fives after class. Recreationally, she just blew the doors off of any parental supervision and is getting to live virtually at “camp” 24/7 – granted, it’s Pullman, of course…but there are movies to watch, rec centers to sweat in, hills to hike, cliffs to dive off of, parties to avoid or attend, and people to play with at all times. So, discovering “who am I?” is natural for a college freshman.

Am I someone who fits in time for studying? Am I someone who sleeps instead of going to class? What do I eat? Which crowd of friends do I hang with? How do I spend my money? What do I pray about?

The more she talked the more I realized how much we still had in common. Age and stage might change the details, but the question remains the same – it’s challenging to be myself while discovering who I am. (OK, technically that doesn’t look like a question, I realize.) But it begs to ask, “WHO am I?” And, “am I being myself?”

Am I someone who fits in time for learning? Am I someone who sleeps instead of works? What do I eat? Which crowd of friends do I hang with? How do I spend my money? What do I pray about?

Good thing I had a five-hour drive home from Pullman to figure all that out.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. (Eccl. 1:8-9)