Glimpse of the Past, Glimpse of the Future

So today as we were packing the van for our car trip to Newport, I got a glimpse of the past and a glimpse of the future.

The glimpse of the past came to me in memories of my own family going on car trips - most often it was to our grandparents' house in Bishop, CA....6 hours from home. We had the trip down to a science - stopped at Astro Burger every time for lunch in the middle of the blazing desert...my dad would blare his classical music from the rear speakers so as to assure conversation privacy with mom...and I was sure to sleep through at least half the trip. Anyhow, thinking back on my childhood car trips made me appreciate all the details my parents covered so effortlessly - mom would provide snacks (she's more of a grape snacker than a chip or candy snacker - in fact, I can't recall any junk food on trip!), and dad would load the luggage and make sure the car was in good condition.

My family's style of travel was to only knock down 8 hours max in the car - or was that because we never went further than that? We had relatives in the Bay Area, so getting to San Francisco never took longer than 8 hours....and if we were driving any further north, the rest of the miles could be taken after a night's stop with them. I suppose we flew more often than we drove - hmmm....no wonder it seems new to plan car trips with Jon!

My parents are both hyper-planners, so we always had reservations at hotels (AAA approved, of course) and we always knew ahead of time where our stops were going to be. This is a big difference with Jon and I - he'd prefer to drive the 22 hours straight to Newport - and/or just stop along the way when we are worn out....playing Hotel Roulette, no AAA suggestions needed.

Anyhow, the glimpse into the future was thinking of how my children will do vacations with their own children. Will they pack grapes or candy? Will they plan and make reservations or just drive through the night? Will they eat in familiar chain restaurants or greasy local spoons? Will they lose their temper when unexpected and annoying things arise? Will they splurge on books instead of fashion? Will they fly or drive?

It's cool to think of my kids one day orchestrating their family travels. I hope our trip this week gives them ideas to grow on for that "one day" that they are in charge! Praying Jon and I will invest in their "happy childhood memory bank" for the day they reflect back on family travel. Travel, not travail. That is my goal. :)

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11

Showers Early, Rain Later

Today's forecast was "showers early, rain later."

My response? HOORAY! Double backflips and high five's all around - this is great news! (albeit redundant and/or confusing...reminds me of how Eskimos supposedly have a jillion words to describe "snow".....Seattle forecasters have a jillion different ways to describe rain!)

Anyhow, my jubilance is a result of a deep character flaw of mine. I would rather sacrifice a day (or two) of rain and chill in the summer so that I don't have to water my plants any more.

By August I am so tired to death of my plants and am ready for them all to just die and be covered with moss again. Here in the Pacific Northwest, most people don't have watering systems (because the Good Lord takes care of that naturally, practically DAILY)....but when the sky is cloudless, one must troop out to the garden with a hose and tenderly saturate the flowers/grass/shrubs/baby trees by hand. QUITE time consuming, and quite annoying on a daily basis. I generally assign the job to my children, but every third day or so it's up to me to go out and do it properly - deeply to the roots, not just getting the leaves wet and calling it good.

As an aside, I am not the cruelest gardener in the NW. A friend of mine deliberately waters her plants lightly so that they keep a shallow root system! Thus, they barely survive on mere drops - thus, her workload is lighter. Cruelty!

In May I am the most enthusiastic of gardeners - excited to get my new plants, hanging baskets and thrilled to see perreniels coming back and setting blooms. In June my garden looks clean and fairly tidy - roses begin to bloom and everything is fresh and colorful. By the end of July, though, I'm starting to assign garden work to my kids - my back is hurting - and weeds are emerging, rose leaves are blackspotting, petunias need deadheading. (thankfully my mom was here in late July - she is a star gardener and is tireless and creative in my yard) Now it is August, and I'm ready for being the lazy gardener again....no more backyard dinners, no more guests to sit on the patio and stare at my blackspot.....ready to just reign everyone in and keep just the house clean and presentable.

So my deep character flaw that this represents is my lack of completion focus. Since childhood, I've been a great project starter but a poor finisher. This is one reason I only had 3 kids, and had them in 3.5 years - I knew I could be really really great at starting a family (seemed to have all the equipment working right, and really adored those early years too!), but I wanted to make sure I didnt' string things out too much and risk doing a really poor job with the last child. I didn't want to be too burned out to read bedtime stories, or to not give adequate time. This character flaw was my parents' main concern (and then sorta mine, too) about homeschooling - would it be a project that got off to an enthusiastic start, but then peter out and my children would be couch surfers and fulltime droolers? (the answer to this burning question is yes: I have relaxed an awful lot in my homeschooling efforts, but fortunately I sowed enough good seeeds at the beginning - the kids are all self-motivated and responsible, and fortunately have their daddy's good mental genes!)

The rain in its due season (you know God planned today's rain showers as a sign of mercy to me and my garden) is characteristic of Him and His grace toward me. Just when you think I am wearing down in life, and have come to the end of my motivation and efforts, He is ready to step in and recharge me - redirect - and cover my flaws with His perfect power. I think He does this so HE gets the glory and not myself. For example, for anyone who meets my children and enjoys them, or admires their accomplishments....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that those things are there because of God....not me. I was used in the process, but as a faulty tool. Yes, homeschooling is an amazing lifestyle, and the best choice for our family, but for me to collect credit would be unthinkable. God's rain of mercy and grace upon our children came in due season - showers early (light and spotty rain, for you non NWesterners) when I still had motivation and enthusiasm....and rain late (heavy, constant) when I was at the end of myself.

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it.
Isaiah 45:8

Baby's First Bar Mitzvah

Well, my mom can finally write in my baby book that I got to attend a Bar Mitzvah! Finally!

We took the whole family, even though the girls don't know Sam much. I recognized this as a unique cultural opportunity, so we slapped on the sundresses and sandals, ties and belts, and off we went.

Katie will one day blog about her own strong opinions regarding the occasion. :) Suffice to say for now she'd like to marry a Messianic Jew, but she is sensitive to any smack of idol worship, even if it is the Torah that people are focusing on.

A few things I really liked:

• the strong family presence in the ceremony - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents (and parents, of course). I am curious whether or not family is present as much in every day Temple life - in contrast, sometimes I feel like at our church I have no clue who the students' parents are.....I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of them are just dropped off. Anyhow, I really really liked seeing family.

• I liked the charge to the young man/woman to revere the Torah's teachings and to make it a priority to study it throughout their life on a daily basis. The Torah was definitely the star of the show - wow! I loved that. It showed such respect. Sometimes I think in NW3 we are almost apologetic about the amount of scripture we ask our kids to study at the midweek - like "oops - here is a portion - eeek - it's almost 10 verses...SORRY!" And at Temple yesterday there was pretty much nonstop readings and prayers from scripture - no apologies.
  

• I also liked the ceremony. It recognizes a new phase in life - that of being old enough to be responsible and mature and growing in one's faith. Granted, not every 13 year old would be ready for such a charge - but if not at 13, then when? Americans extend youth beyond what it really should be - some 20-somethings could use a little "charge" to get them going! LOL. I think ceremonies help by giving life a little shape - some stepping stones, so to speak.

Mazel Tov!

Reaction to John Edwards

Last week the news of John Edwards' infidelity broke in the mainstream media.

Audible gasps emanated from American women, and even a few male eyebrows raised. To think of a man cheating on a wife with incurable cancer! The disdain was palpable in the press, at the water cooler, and at the family dinner table.

It did get me thinking about the degree to which we can tolerate infidelity. John Edwards' perhaps couldn't have easily gotten away with this even ten years ago - at that point, he and his wife had suffered through the death of their oldest son, Wade, and were planning Part Two of their family with the births of Emma and Jack. But rewind back perhaps 2o years when he was "just" married with 2 children - had he been unfaithful then, would our collective response be different?

Thirty years with a spouse....4 children...a bleak outlook regarding her cancer...yes, the disdain for his unfaithfulness is warranted. But I would like to purpose that our reaction to infidelity should be the same if he were "just" married, even without children or cancer in the picture. Bearing children or cancer cells does not make you any more valuable as a human being - Elizabeth should elicit the same honor and respect from her husband no matter her medical condition. And we as a culture should treat each marital affair - whether in the news or in our neighborhood - with the same amount of shock and awe as we did last week when Edwards was exposed.

Another thought that has been percolating in regards to this story: what I call "The Canonization of Cancer." We see it here with the Edwards. Again, if we rewound the tape 20 years ago and he had cheated on her precancer, would we have been as disturbed by this story? (It's somewhat unfortunate to use Elizabeth as our example here because I truly do admire her in so many ways!) Let's imagine she is an amazing and yet flawed woman (like so many of us are!). Let's even go as far to say she is 75% amazing and 25% flawed, just for the purpose of this exercise. So - with a cancer diagnosis, does her 25% flaw either disappear or become instantly forgiven and erased from memory?

My point here is that I also think our culture canonizes, or creates saints, out of cancer victims. While I believe the hardship of cancer certainly hones and refines and develops character, I find it interesting to consider that America considers it is a "free pass" of sorts. No longer are you accountable for past actions and behavior - instead you are seen through lenses of compassion and grace. No longer will we tolerate your spouse cheating on you. Almost overnight you are raised to a new level of human value. At this level you deserve fidelity, honesty, forgiveness, kindness and respect.

My point here is that we should challenge ourselves to consider all humans with such value. Would we treat our spouse differently if we had a medical report in our hand? If the biopsy comes back negative, do we not forgive as readily? If the biopsy is positive, do we then end our philandering? Or at the least do we curtail our selfishness? For our friends - do we communicate more gracefully, love more generously, only when they are diagnosed?

How much would a cancer diagnosis change our ministry, relationships...our personality and perspective?

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
~Psalm 90:12

Back from Camp

OK, only if I am in heaven next year will I miss JH Camp at Wenatchee!

I read my previous post and it sounded "iffy," but God willing I will return next year....it was that awesome.

Small, short, hyper people worshipping and making breakthroughs in their walk with the Lord.

My favorite style of worship - the kind with warm wind whipping around you as a reminder of the Holy Spirit's presence.

Baptisms (34 this year!) in the Wenatchee River - kids psyched to leave their old life buried and to raise to walk a new life! Their excitement for that always revitalizes me and brings me back to basics - aaaaah thank you Lord for that new life!

Anyhow, I had my perfect job this year at camp - Baptism Coordinator and Floating Counselor. LOVED IT! Had significant conversations with at least a dozen people sprinkled throughout the weekend, which is my favorite style of ministry. Got to laugh at the antics, hang with the students, and still make emergency runs to Starbucks. :) Amazing week.

My heart is changing, which is so awesome. I remember months before our youth missions trip to Mexico I spoke with Betty (a saint in our congregation). She was saying that in her prayers she was asking God to say YES to her going - she wanted it that badly. I was more in the frame of mind of "Lord, if it be Your will, let this cup pass from my lips!" It was such a paradigm shift to think of someone begging God for permission to go...I figured He'd say yes to any such trip...plus, I couldn't really fathom that craving to go. But now I have that same feeling, not only for Wenatchee but also for Mexico! Seriously - who would've thunk it? That new creation that the baptizers celebrated is also the one I continuously celebrate in my walk with Him!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Retraction and Reflection

I've already retracted an blog - my 3rd on parenting.

No, you can't see it anymore - I deleted it and will rewrite it. No sooner did I write about the payoffs of being a stay-at-home mom then I went to pick up Ben from basketball camp. Of all the hundreds of kids there, one was chosen to read his homage to his mom aloud to the camp - a beautifully written, humble and honoring piece....to his WORKING MOM. LOL! I found it very like God to say - "Alison, please check your holier-than-thou attitude about being a stay at home mom. I will bless those I will bless, and am sovereign over these matters." Sooo - I will rewrite the blog and strive for it to be peppered with grace (which I shot for in the beginning! promise! I just have to heed that red flag that I think I saw God waving over this mother and her boy).

Anyhow, what a week. Kids home from camp.....lots of laundry and listening! Then 2 mothers' funerals - their daughters being friends with my girls....one unexpected, one anticipated but dreaded. Now I am off to Junior High camp in the morning - most probably my last Wenatchee.

So - I've retracted so now let me reflect. The mothers dying has given new energy to me about my own purpose. It's help me not be so LAME about stupid issues (wearing a bathing suit in front of teenagers) and to yearn for the heart of what camp is all about - connecting students with Christ. Also - to enjoy the life that Christ has intended for us - that camp feeling of freedom and joy and closeness to Him - ahhhhh.........so good to get that shot in the arm! It definitely outweighs the tents and gross-out bathrooms by a mile. I am what I am - NOT A CAMPER! :) But I love students and I love Christ - putting the two together is the best in satisfaction.

A year from now? I might visit Wenatchee and still savor the baptisms, the worship in the wind, and the crazy laughter from smaller people. But for now I will not GUARANTEE that it will happen - look at Emily's mom and Kami's mom - aaaarrrgh - I will savor today and what the Lord has laid out for me.....it is well with my soul!

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
(Prov. 16:9)

Parenting: Using the Fussing Corner

Every parent has their pet peeve about children - their own, and others' children.

My particular pet peeve is whining. What bugs me about it is the underlying attitude of most whining - it is unthankful, it is rebellious, it selfish, and it is petty. Yes, of course a child who is sick or overtired is whining because they don't have the maturity to nobly cope with hardship! I am talking about all other types of whining in this case.

One observation I've made about whining is that it does not improve with age if it is not disciplined away. I have seen school-aged children whine about what's on their dinner plate, junior highers whine about "needing" a cell phone, high schoolers whining about their "unfair teachers"....I'm sure even some adults still whine! So I don't think it behooves a parent to ignore or distract their toddler/preschooler when they are whining - I don't think it's something a human outgrows. I think parents need to deal with it straight on.

Little tidbit from the Acone home: we used the Fussing Corner as a place that was okay for the kid to whine and tantrum in....the point was that it was out of sight from ME (thus keeping my blood pressure low plus not reinforcing them in this state). It was located in the hallway by the front door - out in plain sight (therefore safe) and easy to get to for little legs. Away from toys. Away from fun. Away from sympathetic grandparent glances. :)

When the child began to whine or tantrum in any way, I would give the neutralized tone of voice "how about you go to the fussing corner until you are done, and then you can come out and we'll talk about it" (or "play" or "finish dinner"). After awhile, the child began to turn their attitude around as they simply walked toward the corner - they were able to stop the tear flow, or adjust the tone of voice....they knew that spending time in the corner with their bad attitude wasn't really going to get them the payoff they desired (attention, the toy they were fighting over, certainly it wasn't going to get them their way!). Basically, spending time in the corner was considered a waste of energy and my kids were smart enough to learn how to cope with negative feelings before it got the better of them.

After they were done fussing and had come out of the corner, of course there was always my positive and warm greeting, and there was something GOOD to participate in. This doesn't mean they were rewarded for coming out with a good attitude - that would be classified as bribery - but I do believe that being a good citizen (getting along, being cheerful, sharing with others) has rewards of its own....people are happy to see you, you can be a part of group activities, you can eat a good meal, play with your toys, and enjoy the harmony of friendly relationships. Being in the corner with tears and a mad heart is a bummer. Being stuck in the corner with a drag IS a drag!

I think I can attribute my daughters' pleasant teenaged attitudes to the use of the Fussing Corner. The principle of "adjust the negative attitude" is fairly engrained by now, and we've avoided the "typical" emotional rollercoaster that preteen and teen girls have earned a reputation for riding. No, they aren't emotionally stunted...but they do laugh an enormous amount more than they ever cry, and they are cheery and agreeable and long-suffering...even when sick or during long travels or doing hard labor or being inconvenienced. I think the basic premise of whining not paying off has virtually eliminated that from their character.

God has been so good to me to help me deal with the issue of whining, since it has always been my pet peeve. By eliminating that monster from our home, we have been left with an atmosphere of peace which is where Jon and I function best. Probably all of us do! I hope if you are having issues with whining or fussing that you will try a Fussing Corner for a month and enjoy the results. My bet is that you'll keep it once you give it a trial run.

For the despondent, every day brings trouble;

for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. (Pr. 15:15)